St Jerome

See how Caravaggio captures the wonder of grace working through the frail humanity of this great saint. Knowing how unkind and harsh he has been to others, Jerome is seen as introspective. He is not portrayed in some ecstasy of  mystical rapture, but in the pondering of self doubt. So he puts himself through the great sufferings of asceticism--always keeping before him the skull as the memento mori the symbol of his own mortality. This is the what the saintly soul suffers who is arrogant and harsh to others. He sees how he has hurt them. He sees his pride and he punishes himself in hidden and unseen ways to do penance for his pride.

So beautiful Jerome--so harsh and such a fighter--retires to his cave in Bethlehem to spend a life contemplating the incarnation of our Lord. Does he lash out against the sin and ignorance and foolishness of people? Perhaps, but perhaps he also lashes out secretly against himself--blaming himself for a lack of charity--a lack of compassion. Who knows his inner torment in the self realization that he is not 'a nice person'? Who knows his own suffering in the realization that he has made enemies when he should have made friends? Who knows the self doubt and torment he feels when those who should be his brothers rise up against him? Who knows the burden of his great intellect and learning? He has only pursued his own natural gifts to their natural end, and all his learning and wisdom has only seemed to bring him isolation and misunderstanding.

Do you see how the grace of God works within the human frailty to bring a soul to perfection?  This is the true wonder of the saints--that they are not all simpering, pious souls. They are not all beautiful souls who preach to the birds and kiss lepers. They are not all quiet, submissive and delicate flowers who love Jesus and Mary with a pure and unsoiled heart. No. Many are difficult and troublesome souls who God also touches and brings home to glory.

And I don't know about you, but a saint like Jerome, who seems so flawed, actually gives me much more joy and hope and zeal than some plaster saint with a canned hagiography and a pious simpering band of devotees.