I'm on his side, and call me a Scrooge, but I never lied to my kids about Santa. I thought it just wasn't fair. I had told them from the beginning that there were really only two rules: 1. Never lie 2. No direct disobedience. That seemed to do the trick and all four have turned out to be nice kids.
So why would I break my own rule and lie to them about Santa Claus. Furthermore, the lie is so extravagant. Santa Claus visits every home in a reindeer driven sleigh on Christmas Eve? He comes down the chimney? Rudolph eats the carrot left for him? C'mon. It's not fair. Furthermore, if you tell your kids this stuff you're setting yourself up for a fall later. They're not going to trust you.
Especially they're not going to trust you about religion. You take them to church for Christmas and tell them a beautiful story about a baby in a manger and shepherds who see angels who come to them in the sky at night and wise men who come on camels and bring rich presents to the little fellow asleep in the hay. So they're supposed to believe that story, but they're supposed to also believe the one about the fat elf, the toys, the persecuted reindeer and all that baloney?
Here's what happens--if you're not careful, they bundle all the stuff up together in their minds and when they learn that Santa's a fake they figure all that other Christmas stuff was a fake too. Angels? No more real than flying reindeer. Wise men from afar? Much the same as Santa at the North Pole. Babies in mangers receiving gifts? It's like the presents under the tree. Conclusion? The Christmas story with Jesus and Mary and Joseph is just another make believe.
So we didn't tell the kids there was a Santa Claus or an Easter Bunny or a Tooth Fairy or any of that nonsense. We weren't total spoil sports though. We put out presents and left sherry and a mince pie for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph, but when they came down and saw half a mince pie and half a carrot we joked and said, "Geesh, kids, it was Dad who drank the sherry and Mom who ate the mince pie. Santa Claus is just a fun story."
Isn't that the best way? Allow them the fairy tales and fun stories, but don't lie and pretend they are real the way the true Christmas story is real. Help them distinguish historical truth and gospel truth from fairy tales and all that fun stuff. You'll be doing them a favor.
My own parents came from Uruguay, where Santa Claus wasn't known, but the tradition was that the the Magi came to deliver gifts to children on the Epiphany (Christmas was dedicated to Christ's birth), although my parents shifted it to Christmas morning when they immigrated. Children were supposed to leave straw and water for the camels. (Apparently this is the case in Mexico too http://www.playamayanews.com/living_in_mexico/el_dia_de_los_reyes_-_kings_day.html ).
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what I'd tell my children (they're still less than 3), but my oldest does recognize Santa Claus.
I agree about not lying to them, but I don't think robbing a child of the mythology is a good thing, especially in this secular age where everything is rationalized and measured and myth is equated with falsehood. I agree with C. S. Lewis and Tolkien that myths can reveal greater truths than mere facts, and that both are necessary before you can truly worship.
So I will tell them that in North America the tradition is that Santa Claus delivers gifts, but in Latin America, the Magi deliver the gifts. When they ask which is true, I will tell them the truth contained within the myths.
That has been our strategy. I never believed in Santa as a child. I was far too pragmatic. But I thoroughly enjoyed pretending there was a Santa, leaving him cookies (wink, wink), writing him letters, etc... You don't have to lie or deceive to join in the fun.
ReplyDeletehmm I agree with not passing off "fairy tales" as true. I don't start with Santa though, the biggest "fairy tale" isn't Santa but rather the "Fairy Tale" of the Pope as the Vicar of Christ and that this fraud is infallible, I also tell that the Roman Church as "The One True Church" that Christ established is a "Fairy Tale".
ReplyDeleteHere in England we have Father Christmas. He's real...isn't he...?
ReplyDeleteYou mean I screwed that up to. I guess when the kids go for therapy later they can blame their parents that they don't believe God made the universe because they lied about the "fat man". OR maybe you need to just loosen up. I have a feeling most kids are not troubled to hear that Santa is not real and it does not shake their faith because they still see God through their eyes and not their parents, thankfully. And God does have one thing going for him, He's real Santa’s not. So deep down you cannot shake that. It’s a thin line, do you take away the mystery and magic in their lives, and later they will not see the true mystery that is God, or like you said they will just think dad was a big fat lier.
ReplyDeleteYou like to quote Chesterton, so here’s one for you “I had always believed that the world involved magic: now I thought that perhaps it involved a magician." Kids need to believe in the impossible, and I “THINK” that fairy tales do that, but the therapist might have to work that one out after I’m gone.
Great post, one that got me thinking for sure, and written like a true adult, with all the magic sucked out.
"I left the fairy tales lying on the floor of the nursery, and I have not found any books so sensible since."
By the way I pulled some of this from an article I read a couple years ago by TONY WOODLIEF that was in the WSJ, but it stuck with me.
Michael D
Hmmmm, John is another one that doesn't know his history. He needs our prayers
ReplyDeletejohn,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you think that the Pope being infallible is a fairy tale. Catholics would agree.
The Pope is only infallible in very specific cases. He also has *less* freedom to invent doctrines (if he tried) than a typical Protestant does (like Robert Bell) since he cannot contradict any previously defined doctrine or assert a declared heresy of the 2000 year old Church.
You might wish to look into what the Catholic Church actually teaches rather than what you believe it teaches. The Catechism is a good place. Just google "ccc" and it will likely be the first entry.
BTW, WRT "The One True Church", *every* Protestant denomination taught that *they* were "The One True Church" 50 years ago and that all others were going to Hell. Your quarrel isn't just with the Catholic Church. It's with Calvin, Luther, Zwingli, Wesley, and Cranmer. In addition to brushing up on the Catholic faith, you might wish to learn a bit about the history of your own denomination....
My parents never told us about Santa Clause. I picked the whole thing up from other kids, but I never thought it was anything but make believe. I remember thinking adults who pretended to think he was real were kind of weird.
ReplyDeleteRather than perpetuate the hijacking of this, let me to return to the original question.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I go back and forth on this question repeatedly. She comes from a very strong "Santa is real" family and couldn't imagine doing otherwise.
I have a different approach. I would rather not lie to my children about the existence of some imaginary being, lest they doubt the existence of real, but incorporeal, beings like angels or God, the source of all Being.
I've been told we are somehow depriving our children of the "magic of Christmas" but not "doing" Santa.
ReplyDeleteSo I found it somewhat amusing that our oldest daughter, who is not yet 6 years old, went on a "Is it real?" kick last week asking about the reality of Santa, Mickey Mouse and Elmo. So would all my critics have me blatantly lie to her? Lie about Santa, Mickey and Elmo? Where would the lies end? I understand why she was sad when she found out Elmo was only a puppet. (That was the only one she said she was sad about, interestingly.) Wouldn't a world with cartoons and walking furry ticklish monsters be fun? But, as she gets older, and learns more about the Saints, the Sacraments, the Eucharist, etc., I think she will be pleasantly surprised by magic and wonder that is real in the grace of God.
It made me glad we haven't "done" Santa.
Santa was alive and well in my family, and it has not made anyone doubt my parents on the faith. We have an ethnic celebration for St. Nicholas Day, and the only intra-family presents for kids were from Santa, specifically because my folks didn't want to compete with Santa or make it less amazing. On St. Nicholas Day, Miklavz turned devils into cookie-biscuits, bringing candy canes and the tree, and on Christmas we went to midnight Mass and Santa came after we got back because he'd gone to midnight Mass in Bethlehem.
ReplyDeleteThe literature lover in me says something doesn't have to be real (factual) to be true. Santa was not the commercialized guy only - he's very real, and I didn't feel any the worse when I learned who put the treasures under the tree, because I still felt a great affection for the real person. I didn't feel lied to, or betrayed, or as if my Christmases had been false. I have a very soft spot in my heart for St. Nicholas, and I think a well-rounded, historically and faithfully grounded version of him helped that immensely. I'm certain many people make the same decision you have for commendable reasons, but I couldn't treat a world full of mysteries so literally, especially when it provides such a good opportunity to teach about Christ and a dear saint.
Santa's helpers are Subordinate Clauses.
ReplyDeleteSorry - couldn't resist! - don't get many chances to use that one.
Happy Advent and Merry Christmas!!
I'm pretty tightly wound, but you need to loosen up on this one
ReplyDeleteThis is a sticky subject, indeed! Personally, I remember the most magical part of my childhood Christmas memories came from church. Honestly. The nativity plays, the songs, the candles, the story of Jesus' birth. My parents neither encouraged nor discouraged the Santa theory. I learned about it at school. I knew when I woke up there would be presents under the tree, but after the age of 6 or so, I never really thought about it being Santa...just part of the excitement of Christmas.
ReplyDeleteI do think Father Newman should have let the parents know what he was going to tell the children...but do I think what he told them was wrong? No. (though I might have phrased it differently) ;-)
The true story of Christmas brought the magic to me as a child. I'm holding onto that magic, truth, hope, and joy for our own children.
Children's imagination operates at the level of fairy tales. They do not yet operate at the level of what is called in psychology "formal operational thinking." But it is not to say that fairy tales do not have value in the psychological economy of children's development. Santa Claus is no more a lie than are fairy tales.
ReplyDeleteJust yesterday my son asked me about how to handle Santa Claus for his children ages 7 and 5. I said that he was bright enough/ imaginative enough to be able to explicate different levels of realities associated with the fairy tale. His job was to help translate and impute the meaning of Santa Claus into an idiom consistent with the holy season for his children.
Bruno Bettleheim wrote an excellent work some 40 years ago on the meaning of fairy tales. Worth a look for those so bent. Merry CHRISTmas. (And all this is no lie.)
John, what you write here is offensive to us who are Catholic. I wonder why you waste your time here, because, you know, you are wasting your time.
ReplyDeletejohn said...
hmm I agree with not passing off "fairy tales" as true. I don't start with Santa though, the biggest "fairy tale" isn't Santa but rather the "Fairy Tale" of the Pope as the Vicar of Christ and that this fraud is infallible, I also tell that the Roman Church as "The One True Church" that Christ established is a "Fairy Tale".
This is so funny because jesus falls in the same category as santa and the easter bunny. It is seriously just as delusional to believe in any one of these fictional characters.
ReplyDeleteI have nothing against the magic of Santa, but the first time I heard my dad tell my oldest child, as a toddler, "You sit still and be quiet, or Santa won't bring you any presents!" we were done. I explained to my children from their earliest days just who Saint Nicholas is, and we celebrate his feast day on Dec 6. They know they are not to discuss Santa with any other children so as not to spoil it for them.
ReplyDeleteAgree 100%, Fr. L.
ReplyDeleteMy kids love Santa. They know that
St. Nicholas is a real person who lives in Heaven with Jesus, and that Santa is a game of pretend that we play at Christmas time. (And please don't spoil the pretend for others, especially your grandmother.)
Dividend to all our honest pretending: My 7-year-old puts on fairy wings and delivers coffee to me in bed. Then comes back in plain clothes and asks, "Did the coffee fairy come?"
Doesn't get much more magical than that.
Thank you! You said so eloquently what my husband and I have felt true. Around the age of 6 or 7 just when we are teaching our kids about the Real Presence of the Eucharist, they find out that we've been lying to them about Santa. How does that bode well for Trust and Belief?
ReplyDeleteNo whaling and gnashing of teeth here.
We make Santa a joke here...so we talk about him in a way that the kids know who the real Santa is....and we celebrate St. Nicholas Feast Day....
Thought you might enjoy this comic strip commentary on the subject --- Rosemary
ReplyDeletehttp://www.arcamax.com/thefunnies/mothergooseandgrimm/s-1006298
Well said.
ReplyDeleteIn a nutshell, the children have always been so excited about the truth and beauty of Christmas that it seemed rather ridiculous to dilute it with some pretend game. We are not particularly uptight people. We simply put Christ first and He stayed there.
I wrote about this a couple years ago here: http://mamaslittleditty.blogspot.com/2009/12/bah-humbug-dissin-santa.html
When i discovered Santa was fake, I took it in stride. But when my mother told me Kermit the Frog was a puppet - I was truly ticked.
ReplyDeleteI still love Kermit...from a distance.
Merry Christmas
Taylor
Why not put it to the test? Is there anyone who feels their faith has in some way been limited, harmed, damaged, or tainted by the Santa story? Probably not many. Why else would the story continue to be told with such passion by so many believers? Could it be that it might even help? A stepping stone to learning how to believe in the otherwise unbelieveable? And as for lying to kids, what do you say when they ask where babies come from? Do you tell the full truth to a 4 year old? Saying they come from mommy's tummy is, well, a lie.
ReplyDeleteOBPoet,
ReplyDeleteThe reason my husband is adamant about telling the kids the truth about Santa, is because he knows real people who have discarded their faith when they learned that their parents had been lying about Santa. They concluded that Jesus was just another such story, convenient and comforting but not true.
Re: Babies: I specifically remember mine coming out of my, er, tummy*. Where have you been getting yours from?
[*Not a word I use, but yes we stick to high-level overviews with the littles, and don't go into the finer details until the children are older. That isn't "lying" anymore than failing to explain long division to a four-year-old would be "lying". Something can be true without being expounded in exhaustive detail."]
I had a friend who as a child honestly could not figure out the baby-in-the-tummy thing, because he knew things in tummies got digested and pooped out. I've always said that the baby was in my womb, which is actually a very tiny place next to my tummy, until it gets filled up with baby.
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
ReplyDeletePeople will discard their faith over the drop of a leaf. Do you have any better evidence than anecdote? For every case you quote, I can quote a thousand than are continuing to tell the story because it so enriched their own lives, and once adults were able to distinguish between fairy tales and the Word made flesh.